Talk to a novice wizard well-nigh your dating life and they might warn you that compatibility is written in the stars. (A water sign like Cancer could never work with an air sign like Aquarius.) But the pros will tell you thats just not true.

Psychological wizard Jennifer Freed, PhD, says that comparing your astrology orchestration with your lovers is less well-nigh determining your fate and increasingly well-nigh understanding your dynamic as a couple. Maybe the sexual chemistry is off the charts but youre prone to tiffs. Or perhaps you tend make each other big, trappy promises that are difficult to keep.

1. Freed created a trickery sheet for identifying how the astrological elements of fire, earth, air, and water show up in our romantic relationships. And her new book, A Map to Your Soul, is a well-constructed guide to harnessing the elements to live a full, purposeful life. On October 11, Freed and Gwyneth will be sitting lanugo to yack well-nigh the elements, self-inquiry, and all things psychological astrologygrab your ticket now and tune in Tuesday.

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The Elements of Dating

By Jennifer Freed, PhD

If youre out to find a suitable and uniform partner, here is a short tutorial on cosmic chemistry to squire you in your quest.

Within every persons astrology orchestration there are four elements: fire, earth, air, and water.

Fire (Aries, Leo, Saggitarius) focuses on dynamic, intense, bold, creative energy. Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) focuses on soul sensations, sensuality, solidity, and slow, steady movement. Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) focuses on the mindthe sharing of ideas and perspectives. Air likes openness and space. Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) focuses on feelings, tenderness, sensitivity, and compassion.

We typically have all these elements in our overall makeup. However, we tend to lean into one or two of them when we are in mating or seduction mode.

In astrology, there are no definitively good or bad combinations. With any combination of elements, a couple may wits both aspirational chemistry and unrepealable challenges.

An example: My friend C is quite the idealist and conversationalist. She expresses air. C started dating R, who is a passionate, unvigilant adventurer. He expresses fire. All went well at first: R romanced C with unvigilant gestures, and C imagined a fairy-tale life with this gorgeous prince. But once they started getting physical, R was way too zesty for C: Despite Cs protestations, he persistently expressed his desire through biting. Once C grew weary of saying that wintry was not her thing, it ended.

Recognizing the way her air and his fire did not work well together helped C see that this was not a love for the ages. Im confident that mannerly R will find a match, and C is still convinced she will find her fairy-tale mate.

When youre dating someone new, it can be helpful to notice how things are going on the elemental level. And its unconfined to discuss this with your date: Ask each other to share which element you identify most with and which element is your least developed.

Approach the elemental chemistry you have with a prospective partner from a space of curiosity. This conversation is well-nigh increasing self-awareness and attunement to your partner. Both are keys to fully realized intimacy.

Sometimes, as in the specimen of C and R, it becomes obvious quite quickly that the combination is not workable. This is fabulous: It allows both suitors to put their energy into finding more-appropriate mates.

But if you like each other unbearable to alimony seeing each other, squint at the pros and cons of each elemental blend. See if you notice these patterns coming up and name them.